Nocturnal Dawn

Disconnected

2008-06-25T09:48:00.002-04:00

I feel very disconnected right now. I haven't seen my friends in what seems like years and all I do is sit around the house, go for stupid walks, and feel sorry for myself. I miss feeling like I have a social life and that people actually want to be around me for more than an hour. I miss my life.

I'm hoping to get into the warehouse for July so I can start paying off bills and save up some money to help with school in the fall; if I can maintain my spot. York continuously fucks me over and this time it might cost me my places. Sure I can try and re-enroll but I doubt I'll get back into the classes I want. I'm starting to think school isn't worth it; it's so much hassle. I'm going to graduate with a useless degree and end up working shitty jobs or teaching for the rest of my life. Not really what I had in mind.

It's a beautiful day but I'm in a sour mood. No one's here to enjoy it with me. I'm worried about the end of the month (which is coming up really fast) and I'm pretty sure I have a double ear infection.

//post
Dawnie

Final Nail in the Coffin

2008-05-28T12:34:00.002-04:00

And so ends a rocky employment at InfoNex. After what happened on Monday, I can no longer work for that prick. He is a horrible employer and I will have no part in making him richer.

I am applying for jobs now and I will collect my paycheque on Friday. So long InfoNex. I hope your clients learn how much of a shit you are and stop attending. You're lucky you're not worth my time or I would file a false sexual harassment charge so fast you wouldn't know what hit you.

The Enraged,

DM

The zombie is starting to take over....HELP!

2008-05-23T12:05:00.001-04:00

It's finally Friday but I feel like it has been 2 weeks since last weekend. This has been a very slow week but I've done a lot. Went home to Mom's on Sunday and came home on Monday, worked Infonex everyday but yesterday and worked at the bar Wed through to this Sunday. I'm a tired little kittie.
Kill me.

In other news, the kitten is doing fine and seems to be getting better. His nose and eyes are still running but the vet told me so long as he keeps eating and drinking and playing, there is no reason to bring him in. His little body can fight off infection, it just might take a few weeks. He's getting fat.

We* started organizing our closet and putting the clothes and stuff where it all goes. I'm happy I have my closet back** and I can see my clothes and get dressed with limited fussing. I just wish I had more.

On the topic of clothes, mine were stolen from my dryer in the laundry room in my building. Whoever decided to go shopping in my dryer, sorted through my things and took only what they wanted***. They mostly took the clothes I wear to work at Infonex so getting dressed in the morning is proving to be a little bit of a hassle. The rental office told me I should have had apartment insurance and said there was nothing they could do. I have to start saving some money when I can to buy new clothes. The person took about $200 of my wardrobe staples so it's been quite a bitch putting outfits together.
Fail.

That is all
Dawnie

*meaning I
**We had the kittie in there when we first got him
***how kind

Back under the blanket before hypothermia sets in.

2008-05-14T11:55:00.000-04:00

So it's another freezing cold day here at Infonex (inserts crack about hell freezing over), only today I decided to wear my favourite crop pants. Big mistake. My legs must be drapped by my shawl and even a 1 minute walk to the printer sends my body into shock. I'm going to have to get dressed for the weather and bring other clothes to wear at work. This is crazy.

I've decided to find a dentist and make an appointment today. It has been far, far too long. It is horrible but I know deep down it must be done. My teeth hurt. :(

That is all.
Dawnie

Monday Blahs

2008-05-12T12:55:00.001-04:00

So it seems we have the Monday blahs. We can't seem to wake up this morning. It really sucks. The office is so cold everyone is wearing their coats and/or scarves to keep comfortable.* That really sucks too. I'm falling asleep at 10:30. This day has not started off well. I'm going home and having a nap after work.

In better news, we got a kitten last week and he is the best thing ever. His name is Loki (Low-Key)** and his is my baby. He's a ginger tomcat and will grow up to be a big, lazy cat. When I figure out how to post pictures (I have forgotten since I stop posting in my old blog), I will post pictures of the little shit. He's bad a lot. But he's really cute.

This office job gets more and more boring each time I come in to work. I don't think I've had an interesting project in the past 2 months at least. I'm bored of it. If it wasn't such a good fit while I'm in school, I would quit and find something exciting. Or at least less boring.

I'm out for the day. I made it. I don't know how.

That is all.
Dawnie

*I'm wearing my pink coat and my Baba shawl and I'm still cold.
**Norse god of mischief. Very fitting.

The Beginning of the End

2008-04-28T12:06:00.000-04:00

So we move in like 3 days or so and it's pretty overwhelming. It's also cold in the office. I like dishwashing better.

So the TTC went on strike on Friday night at midnight (technically Sat morning I guess) and thousands were left stranded. They gave us half an hour notice of strike.
Fail.

I managed to get the last train* going East out to Scarberia. I was one of the lucky ones who gets picked up at the station. There were no buses running by the time I got to Warden station. It would have been a long walk to the apartment if Dan didn't drive. TTC you suck balls.** The workers were ordered back to work yesterday. //Cheers while kicking a TTC worker.

*knocking into someone while I ran for the doors as they were chiming. I felt bad.

**With teeth

Falling Asleep Again...

2008-04-25T11:56:00.000-04:00

So for this afternoon's party for Preggers (her final send off before she has the brat), the staff thought it would be nice to have balloons in the boardroom. Isn't that awesome?

Fail.

This week has been super duper awesome at Infonex. I was asked if I wanted to go home though; Maeve is very worried about me dying on her due to the balloons*. She made a bit of a fuss and told everyone important (the ones that have private offices on the back wall) about it and told the girls that put the balloons there to keep the door closed** so it wouldn't get into the air too much. I would have taken up her offer to go home if I didn't need the highest possible pay cheque next week. Ugh. Kill me.

In other news, work last night was the deadest it has ever been. For some reason, Thursday nights are so dead she sends us home way early. By 10 we had the kitchen ready to close (even though we have to keep it open until 11) and she told me I could head out. She wanted me to stay and have a drink but I really needed to get home and sleep. We fell asleep almost as soon as we got home from the station. Dan just crashed and I followed soon after. I hope he got up in time to go to work.

There's only a little bit of work left (hour and a half) so I'm going to get some more work done and get the hell out of here. I hope they have a great, latex-filled sweets party this afternoon.
//cynical

Thankfully, that is all for this week.

Dawnie

*If you didn't know, you do now; Dawnie is allergic to latex.

**I've heard it open at least 3 times since.

"Are you bringing anything for the sweets party Friday afternoon?"

2008-04-23T10:27:00.000-04:00

And other outlandish statements.

So this morning my place here is further reinforced by a coworker (the same one as many of the previous attacks to my worth here). She asks me and Diane if we are bringing anything for Friday afternoon. We explain that we are only here in the morning and she looks surprised. "Oh I forgot you guys were only here in the morning!"* She then states "Oh Dawn**, you're not even here on Fridays!" to which I reply, "I work everyday now. I leave at 1 with Diane. You haven't noticed me here everyday for the past month?" To which I get "No I haven't actually. I suck".

Yes, yes you do.

Work, often you blow. Today you proved just how much.

We move in 7 days and we haven't really started the packing yet. I'm starting to get concerned. I'm going to go back to Dan's after work and get some packing done while he's at work. He isn't motivated to do it (although I don't know why not) so I'm just going to get started now.

I want this day to be over so badly it kills me. Another 2.5 hrs. Ugh.

That is all

*doesn't seem to notice us walking past her, staying "bye have a good day" from the elevator everyday at 1pm

**astonishingly remembers my name; although last name still questionable

How To Wreck My Day...

2008-04-22T10:03:00.000-04:00

But first:

To the man on the 102 bus this morning wearing the grubby work clothes:
Thank you for brushing the seat off before you got off the bus. That was very thoughtful to other riders. Hats off to you sir.

On to wrecking my day...

I came into work with a smile on this morning. I was actually grinning from ear to ear walking through the Path to get to work from the subway. I was feeling great; got lots of sleep and excited to start packing today when I get back to Dan's and I get to work and it's all over. I sit at my desk (which has been rearranged by my coworker who sits here when I leave) and I realize my chair is different. In fact, this is not my chair at all. Someone snagged it because they wanted it.

Now I do care about the chair (I have knee problems and I found a chair that doesn't hurt my knee too much) and I liked it. But under it all, it's not about the chair. It's about the level of respect I get here. At my other job I work as a dishwasher, make the same pay, and get more respect. Why should anyone respect me here when the general overall attitude toward me is 'she's just data entry part time. her job doesn't really matter'. Touching on a similar incident when I wasn't introduced by name to a new employee, but rather "this is data entry. We don't have much to do with them." The particular coworker doing the introduction didn't seem to think that my job is important and they still don't. It's ok.

But next time you think your chair needs upgrading, why don't you run into the president's office and switch his. It's not like his job is very important.

No?

Ya that's what I thought.

Challenge

2008-04-21T11:20:00.000-04:00

Today's challenge: actually time how long I spend wasting company time. It isn't hard to waste time here but clocking all that time should be fun. I've been here for about an hour and minus the time I spent reading the company newsletter, reading my company emails (2) and google-ing 5 companies to enter, I haven't really done anything. Today is off to a good start.

On the topic of company newsletter, this issue contains a note from our High and Mighty, All Seeing President. I found two grammatical mistakes in said note. I shuddered and giggled smugly at the same time. It was rad.

In other news, Preggers is still here. I was premature in thinking last week would be her last. Today in the elevator she told me she is due in 2 weeks and when she's on maternity leave she wants to volunteer with abused preggers women. Isn't that sweet.//cynical to the max.
When I asked why she is still here if she is due in 2 weeks, she replied that her life is so easy and her husband is a saint.
//throws up a little

Moving on.

It's the start of a new week and so I shall update the countdown. It is 9 days until we move into the new place and I'm excited and terrified. It's going to be an adventure. I can't wait.

I think that is all for now Blogging World. I have to continue fining new ways to waste company time.

Until next time the blogging bug gets me,

The Data Entry Slave/Dishwasher slave (yes I'm living a double slave-life),

Dawnie

It's Over!

2008-04-18T11:35:00.002-04:00

Today is Pregger's last day at work before she pops. All the best to her.

Ok so in reality she is a nice woman. Can get annoying but she's allowed to be I suppose seeing as she's a first time mom-to-be. I hope she does well and the baby is healthy and everyone is happy. I know I will be.//snark

It's Friday!!!* Yay! For me this is really no cause for celebration as I still have to work tonight at tomorrow night. But I do get Sunday off completely. I plan on getting blitzed and gaming all day.

I kinda want to just leave work now. I don't want to stay here until 1pm. There is a pretty dress in Kensington that has my name on it. We need to be reunited sooner rather than later. Like now.

That is all

Dawnie

*I considered putting another ! and then decided that was just a little too much excitement for my current, sleep-deprived state.

It's Thursday?

2008-04-17T10:13:00.000-04:00

In this episode, Dawnie thinks the only reason she goes to work to write blog entries....

In other news, one of my favourite bands (see "shameless" blog entry for details) is playing at show at the Docks (I refuse to call it the "sound academy...it''s the Docks people...kinda like the Rogers Centre nee Skydome) at the end of May but I don't think I can go. Now that I work Saturdays, it's hard to plan events taking place on Sat. I could ask for the night off (2 weeks in advance) and it would probably be alright but I asked for a Thursday off to move and my boss didn't seem super thrilled. I don't know what she would say if I wanted a Sat night at the end of May. We are going to be very busy. But then again, there is extra staff on sat night. I'm going to try and swing it. I'll hate myself if I don't go.

It is offically two weeks until we move in to our new place. I can't wait; I'm so excited. I just want to move in already and be done with waiting. I don't like waiting.

I'm sleepy at work which is no surprise, although I did get up on time and was out the door on time too. That is odd.

In other news, Dan's room has seen an explosion of clothes, dirty dishes, popcans, and other various forms of clutter. While looking for a paper for work this morning (from the bed: "it's on the floor...but I know where on the floor....), I knocked a pile of dishes off the desk, some of them landing on me, others landing on the floor or each other. Chipped a glass and a plate and spilled some mystery liquid (I think it's old coffee from one of the cups) on me and the floor. It was rad. We are cleaning the whole room on Sunday from top to bottom.

I don't think I have anything else to rant about this morning. I may add more as I become more and more bored with this project I'm work on.

Until then,

peace out
Dawnie

Let's Stay Awake and Keep it Together

2008-04-15T10:59:00.000-04:00

Ok go.

So it's Tuesday and I am bored beyond belief. Again. There really isn't anything exciting about this project at all and I'm getting sick of looking at mining companies' websites. It's all the same info just the maps of mining sites are different. Some websites are shoddy html basics and some are high tech with a tonne of useless java and pictures that don't really pertain to anything they do. (check out Inca Pacific Resources Inc's main page at www.incapacific.com/s/home.asp for pretty rad random images; www.indocan.com is also a real winner overall).

I hate office drama. Someone says something and then beg you not to repeat it, as it would most likely cost them their job if you do. Now first off, unless it's "I'm coming in here one day with a sawed-off shotgun" that's one thing. But if it's just a little bit of harmless banter, there is no reason why something simple should cost someone their job. I'm pretty sure 'because you don't like what they said about you' isn't a legal excuse to terminate employment. I'll have to check on that.

Secondly, if you know it will quite possibly be the end of you, why say it in earshot of more than just me? Although I did repeat it cause it was freaking hilarious, I am not the only person in this office with ears and voices carry in this place because it is so quiet in here for the most part.

Now I like this person so it won't be repeated again and I have no problem lying about it if anything comes up. But this kind of information is dangerous to have. This is how blackmailing and bribery start in the workplace. It doesn't make a difference to me but if this office were different, that situation could have gone differently. And honestly, if you can get sacked by poking a little fun at a co-worker, do you really want to work at this place? Does anyone who works here really want to work here? Ya I didn't think so.

I refuse to feel bad.

Moving on.

Not even music is keeping me awake today. It's really sad that the minute I stop typing this, I start falling asleep again. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm typing this in my sleep and when I stop I'm in danger of waking up. Everything is crazy. lol.

I'm going back to sleep now

peace out
Dawnie

Welcome to Monday!

2008-04-14T10:47:00.000-04:00

but first a water update:

It came back on around noon on Friday and we were instructed to conserve and go easy on the pipes as it was a temporary fix. However just after 1pm (just after I left for the day) an email was sent out stating that the water was contaminated and to not use it. Good thing I had used it earlier to wash my hands. Good good indeed.

It's a slow Monday and I don't really want to be at work. The water is still contaminated so they are putting bottled water in the kettle to make tea. This is stupid. They should have let us leave yesterday because of the lack of water and they should allow us to leave today due to the contaminated water. If this was a school or university, they would cancel classes for the duration of the emergency. You suck Infonex.

Moving on...

I'm suffering from what could be called
'pretty things for myself' withdrawal. I'm working 2 jobs, killing myself and tiring out my body, and I have nothing to show for it right now. Meanwhile, the boys (brother and Dan) are not working and yet they seem to have all this money to buy things for themselves (Brother just got an ipod touch and Dan just sat for a 2 hr tattoo sitting). I find it very unfair. This Friday I'm going shopping for myself. I know this is completely stupid and impractical but it will make me feel better. Knowing me I'll end up getting something for the apartment at any rate. Some Ikea lamps might be in order. And maybe some pretty shoes. Hehe.

The move countdown is on (I know it's a bit early but this is big for me) and it's taking far too long for April to be over. 17 days bitches!

I think that is all for now; my co-workers get curious when they hear me typing like a mad woman (as my job doesn't require typing on a large scale) so I will get back to "work" now. lol

That is all
Dawnie

Water, Water Everywhere...

2008-04-11T09:52:00.000-04:00

And nary a drop to...use?

Well blogging community, the height in ironic misfortunes is upon us. It is pouring rain outside and one of the outside water mains collapsed in my office building, causing waste water to flood into the basement. Due to this, we are unable to use the water. I find this semi ironic. And very inconvenient.

In other news, working two jobs is proving a little harder than I thought it was going to be. It's hard to wake up at 6 to be at work by 8:30 when I don't get into bed until 2am. I'm hoping when I move it will be easier because I won't have to be awake so early and I'll be able to go home for naps.

Speaking of moving, it's in three weeks and I'm already starting to pack. I am not leaving this to the last minute. I learned the hard way from helping Dan pack how horrible last minute packing is. Ugh.

*an update on the water situation:
the city still isn't here to fix the problem, big surprise. The building manager came and told us about some public washrooms in the area we can use, including one in the building beside ours (it's really easy, you just go down this alley, through this unmarked door, down the hallway to the stairs, down to the basement and there you go!....uh.....I'll just go to the Bay....thanks...)

I don't know about anyone else, but the thought of a scavenger hunt around the downtown core for a washroom on a blustery day does not sound appealing at all. Add only four hours of sleep and you've got yourself a cranky timebomb.

That is all

Monday

2008-03-31T10:49:00.002-04:00

In this episode, a new employee joins the data entry crew....

I forget her name and I know nothing about her but I thought it was proper to introduce a new employee to the blog. With this addition it takes our cozy crew of 4 (the world is made for groups of 4) to 5. I'm not sure how I feel about this yet but I will keep the blogging community updated as the situation develops.

It's raining. I think it's the first real spring rain we've had all season. This makes me very happy. I even brought out Pink Coat for the occasion. Possibly the best coat ever made by anyone (coughzellarscough), it is the best pink and has the best buttons. <3 pink coat.

In other news, we are going to sign the lease for our apartment this afternoon. This, blogging friends, makes me so excited and scared and just awesome. I can't wait to move in next month. I also can't wait for exams and school to be over and done with. Stressful week.

I think that is about all for now. I only work mornings now so my day goes by faster. It is still a struggle to stay awake but for not as long. lol.

That is all
Dawnie

The Phone

2008-03-20T10:16:00.001-04:00

In this episode, Dawnie rants about other random things that annoy her about her office.

*but before that, donuts in the kitchen this morning...yum*

Ok, my office is super relaxed and for the most part friendly (exception: bossman) but small things annoy me here. Aside from the obvious preggers saga, there is the almighty phone (and its excessive use).

I know the phone is an important part of an office atmosphere and essential to business in the 21st century but have legs really become so obsolete that we no longer walk to our co-worker's desk, we have to call them on the phone? It's sad people when I can hear both people talking on the phone to each other in the office. If you want to talk to your friend (just to say "hi do you want to grab lunch together today?"), use it as an excuse to wander through the office and give your legs a stretch. I do it even if I'm not talking to a friend. Try it sometime.

That is all
Dawnie

Shameless

2008-03-12T11:59:00.002-04:00

In this episode, Dawnie shamelessly plugs for her favourite progressive rock band...
Ok so I know everyone always says "This is my fave band! Listen and love!", and I know it's really annoying. But hear me out people. This band is amazing. Like nothing you've ever heard (unless you listen to a lot of Pink Floyd) and I love them. This band, as I'm sure everyone is wondering, is Coheed and Cambria. *Cheers*

The story behind the band, the music, and the name is also entertaining. The wiki entry is pretty good. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coheed_%26_Cambria if you are interested. Seriously though, go listen to this band. I want to have Sanchez's babies. A lot of crazy-haired babies.
I've said too much.

Carry on.

Preggers Pt. 2

2008-03-10T13:20:00.000-04:00

The never-ending preggers lady saga continues...

In this episode, Dawn still doesn't give a shit.

That is all

Snow

2008-03-10T08:46:00.001-04:00

Add a snowstorm to the previous post.

March you suck balls.

Carry on..

Child

2008-03-06T13:19:00.002-05:00

I am a child in an adult world

Or so this is how I feel today at work. I don't belong in this office. I don't belong in the corporate world. I hate my job.

The head boss-man (for other anecdotes regarding this person, see earlier blog entry "Fail") hates me and finds me disrespectful. Isn't that great? It's really easy to be accepted in your job and treated like you belong at a company (being the youngest here by far doesn't help) when the guy signing the cheques hates you. Oh yeah!

One of the administrative assistant type people came and discreetly talked to me about it. It is terribly embarrassing to be told that the pres of the company has made comments about you to your co-workers. That made me feel like a child. A bad child. They should just send me to my room without dessert and be done with it.

How can a boss that everyone calls by his first name expect me to call him Sir when I speak to him. If he is that concerned with respect in the office, why does everyone walk around here calling him by his first name? It doesn't make sense to me. Unless it is only a rule that children must address him as such.

Dawnie thinks she is going to look for another job. Bossman has been on my case before. Maybe I am too young to be in this type of world.

March has started off well.

Carry on.

Your World

2008-03-05T13:46:00.002-05:00

The subway is lonely tonight and for the first time I find myself regretting. Not everything but a few decisions in my life; not for the better. Events that should have happened differently or not at all. People who weren’t worth my time who received far too much of it, and others, craving my affection, shut out and turned down. My subway is lonely. I am lonely. We reflect each other.

The stops go by like events in my life and each one tells me a story. An event. A lifetime. So much of my own history is tied up in the rails. Waiting to break out, waiting for a chance.

I wanted to kiss you tonight. With the smoke lingering off your lips and that cute roughness (from too many cigarettes and not enough sleep) hanging in your voice. Why didn’t I kiss you? Why do you drive me nuts? You are not the first person who showed me friendship and kindness so why are you the first person who tortures me? I like it.

History repeats itself. It climbs up from the rails and entangles me in memories. It grabs me and makes me uncomfortable. I wish it would leave me alone tonight. I wish it would stay away.

We were hurting for our drug tonight. Something to smoke and hold on to. Tonight could have gone differently and I think you knew it too. Keep it light; don’t go off. Don’t sink too deep. I should have had a hit tonight. Should have given in. I want to. I always want to.

Forbidden and exotic and amazing. You are my Pandora’s box and I want to keep looking. Over and over I want to peer into the cave of secrets. I want to keep lifting the sacred lid and live with my consequences. I want to dive into that world. I want to live in it. I want to be it.

Pregnant Woman

2008-03-03T12:55:00.000-05:00

Ok so I know being preggers is supposed to be the greatest experience in your life blah blah blah. I get that. But it gets to be annoying when that's all you hear. I work with a pregnant woman who is, you guessed it, soon to be a first-time mom. That's great! Congrats! I don't want to hear about it anymore. It is getting a little tired. Ugh.
Dear preggers lady,
You remind me of all that I don't want to be. Stop talking about your amazing experience within earshot of me and please, once the kid is born, don't fuck it up too much.

Rent/Rant

2008-02-21T14:42:00.001-05:00

I don't know if it is this place or me but I was fully awake this morning and not extremely tired (I also slept from 10pm until 7am) and now I am falling asleep, not even an hour into my work day. I really hate this.

In other news of things I hate, there is a strong possibility I will not be living with my dad and his family for much longer. And there is also possibility for a shouting match tonight...
As I was leaving the house this morning I noticed a couple letters on the kitchen table. Now I don't usually go through the stuff of others but I saw my brother's name on one of them so I looked to see what it was about. Turns out there are 2 letters, one for Brother and one for me. These letters happen to be statements agreeing on rent. They want me to sign a legal document that states I agree to pay rent on the 1st of each month.

Now you all think "Why is she so upset? This doesn't make sense." Ah those who think that are very wrong. This is huge. Not only have we just verbally agreed on rent, but I have made a deal with my father to pay it to him when it is convenient for me, so long as I get it in by the end of the month. And this whole signing legally business is pretty insulting to me. I am not some random tenant who is going to skip out on rent if I am not bound legally; I am his daughter.

Enter yelling match.

I am not going to take his bullshit tonight. I am going to raise my concerns about this and I will make it known that not only do I dislike paying rent and I do not have my own space at all, but I also dislike the idea of signing my life away to my father. I will make a big deal about this because it is a big deal. I will also be looking for a job on the weekends and saving up for first and last someplace else. I do not enjoy living there and I really do not want to put up with the bullshit anymore.

I found a one bedroom basement for 550$. I am going to figure out how to make it work.

2008-02-19T15:04:00.002-05:00

I am a horrible blogger. I apologize for not keeping the community updated on my going ons but really, who even reads this thing? *silenece...* Ya that's what I thought.

Moving on...

Dan and I just got back from Montreal on Sunday. We went for a weekend getaway and it was nothing short of amazing. We did a lot of shopping, spent a lot of time laying around the room and got fake-engaged.* It was awesome.

Back at school now and I wish I wasn't. I love school (or at least I say I do) but sometimes I just wish I could go to lectures and not have to read or do essays or have tests. That would make my schooling experience most enjoyable. I would still learn lots, I promise!

I think I'm going to go and continue to study for the test I'm going to fail at 4:30. Wish me luck!

Dawnie

*details on the fake engagement: a few people asked Dan or I if we were going to get engaged on our trip. Seeing as we haven't been together all that long we thought it was funny and the people who know us would figure it was a joke and laugh. This my friends backfired because even people who know us still thought we were actually engaged. It has been an interesting couple of days.

Fail

2008-02-07T16:15:00.000-05:00

In this episode, Dawnie gets in trouble at work

So I'm filling in for reception today because the regular girl is sick. I hate reception (anyone I talk to will know this already). Our office is usually pretty dead -- only a few phonecalls a day, one mail delivery and no other visitors. It's not too bad. The only problem I have with reception is I am not told crucial information. Information like 'oh by the way, you MUST screen the president's calls'. That does sound like something that would be important to tell me. Must have forgot.

So the envitable happens: someone calls for the president, asks for him by name, so I transfer. That's what I'm supposed to do. WRONG. The pres comes out of his office and demands to know who I'm transferring to him. He looks pretty mad (and seeing as he's never said a word to me before I'm kinda scared) and snaps at me that I have to screen his calls. Now I understand that he doesn't want to be bothered with calls. I wouldn't want to be bothered with calls either. I'm very sorry bossman. Don't fire me.

I hate being reprimanded at work. For me it is the most degrading experience I've ever gone through. At my first job, I cried the first time I was reprimanded. I don't cry anymore but it pisses me off sometimes.

In the future I will not transfer anyone to Laszlo. Ever.

The annoying data entry girl who screws up,
Dawnie

Headline News

2008-02-06T16:23:00.000-05:00

Tonight's Headline Story
Woman, 21, goes postal and murders family in fit of rage.
More details at 11

So the family dynamic (as we're calling it. It should be called pit of hell) is hellish. The house is erupting in a huge, awesome, firey blob of lava goo. (ya i know that last part sucked but what do you want from me?). It really is horrible being in the house right now. Last night all of us (excuding Sara, of course) had a 'meeting' upstairs. Now that really isn't a new thing. We do this all the time. What I hate is the amount of time it takes up. I have an in-class essay to write today (that I didn't prepare enough for), an outline that I keep putting off, and a mountain of reading as usual. I'm not complaining about my school work so I'll get back on topic.
Last night would have been a great time to get some work done. I wasn't at Dan's (although I wish I was... I always wish I was) and I had some motivation to get shit done. I was actually “student Dawnie” for the first time in a long time. So after dinner (which I was worried would be a little stressful...pleased to find it was extremely stressful yay!) I got up and went for a smoke/walk/chat with Lydia to clear my head (and clog my lungs) and get some toxic fresh air. I came back inside ready to work and yelling and screaming and banging things is my reception. Things progressed downward from there. It really sucked. I couldn't concentrate on my work and then I was called upstairs to discuss the problem in the house. Kill me.

Although the above was horrible, I think I'm in the running to finally get my own room. And that would be really awesome if I had a spot to go and just be me. I need that so badly. We'll see what happens. I'll keep the blogging community updated on the room situation. Aren't you all thrilled?

We'll bloggers, I'm gonna get going. The subway is almost at my stop and I really should put Mackie away and my day going* Peace out.
The not quite murderous yet but soon to be
Dawnie

*was written at noon on the subway to school

Mini Rant

2008-01-28T15:08:00.000-05:00

Mini rant

Ok so my job is fairly simple. Here's a person, find out how to find them. My beef isn't with my job (this time). Instead it is with the male dominated corporate world. Now I know you're all saying "but we have equal opportunity in business now.". Well you would be very wrong.

I work finding information about the big guys in business (and yes 'guys' was purposely used). I find the C.E.O.'s, the C.F.O.'s, members of the board, among other high level positions. What I'm not finding is many X.X. (as in chromosome). It's a little discouraging when I think about it. It also pisses me off a little. Ok a lot. Almost always, I only see a woman as "Executive Assistant to Mr. whoever" (and that's just a fancy term for "Secretary who would get a promotion if she slept with the right people).

Now I know there are many women in positions of power all across the corporate world. I know this, but I don't see the evidence. Sure every so often I see a women as a C.F.O. or Director of something or other, but there is not enough evidence to support the claim.
//mini rant
Dawnie

**by the way, the details on the dog are now known: it is a female and her name is Sabrina. She does belong to David (head of accounting) and she is still running around the office.

Monday

2008-01-28T13:48:00.000-05:00

In my efforts to stay awake:

I have
a) checked every email address I have
b) chatted with my coworkers
c) walked around the office
d) pretended to check my voicemail messages
e) drank a bottle of fruit punch

But none of these things works as well as blogging.

So it's a new week and I'm blogging way earlier than I usually do on Monday*. I'm falling asleep way earlier than usual. In fact I'm not sure if I'm actually awake or if I have just devised a way of sleep-working.

The weekend was pretty relaxed. Went shopping and got new metal on Friday (orbital now complete, bottom navel now annoying me with its sometimes hurts, sometimes not attitude**), Dad's birthday on Saturday (which was more like clean all day), and then off to Dan's Sunday (which really just consisted of laying in bed all day). All in all, not a bad weekend. Aside from the fact that I did NO school work at all. Seriously, I gotta get shit done. I really hate being stressed out about getting essays done. I'm never as articulate when I'm stressed about my assignments.

Now I know you're all yelling "stop procrastinating and you won't have to worry about them the week they are due!" (all but the Jenn, who understands). No see, for all of those who thought that: yes you are very right. I will stop procrastinating tomorrow.

And for those of you who got that last comment: well done.

Moving on.

In other news today, there is a random dog running around the office. I believe it belongs to the head of accounting (the guy who cuts my cheque. I love him every other Friday). It's a friendly dog and licked my hand this morning, however it is kind of weird having a dog run around. Chocolate lab is my guess but that detail is still unconfirmed. Also unconfirmed is the sex of the dog, however the purple scarf and the frequent "what a good girl" I hear around the office allows me to infer said animal is female. More details to follow.

Number of times I have crashed the database program thus far: 3***

I fear this post is too long and everyone has stopped reading by now. Because of this fear I shall end this post now, 3 hours after it was started. If I get bored later (I forgot my cell at home, no work texting), I might enter more.

Until then,
Bored at work,
Dawnie

*This post was started at 11.00
**Pictures of all the piercings coming soon
***1:30

It Was All In My Head

2008-01-25T12:39:00.000-05:00

It was all in my head. I made it out to be so horrible in my mind and it wasn't that bad at all. Fuck you imagination. Although in my defense, it was much worse last time I went to the doctor. Stupid Humber.

Now if I could imagine science class being worse and it was actually better than I thought, that would be awesome. Ugh too bad.

forever hating science and medicine,
Dawnie

Blogging in the Morning

2008-01-25T08:59:00.000-05:00

Can I call in sick to the doctor's? Please?

Packed day today. Full of school and friends and dreaded dr. appointments. I assume I will have some kind of amusing story to tell after today is over, although how appropriate it is for blogger remains to be known. I'll use discretion when posting.

The mornings in this house are more like epic battles for control of bathroom ground. I had a stronghold and later lost it to Brother's counter-attack. I do believe in a couple of minutes I will stage another attack and I'm quite sure I will hold that all-too-important hill for a few minutes at least (I need to get out more lmao)

But srsly the struggle for the bathroom in this house is one that is worthy of "epic". How fast you are and when you get up in the morning dictates whether or not you leave the house with your teeth brushed. I've learned to keep my toothbrush at least in my room; kitchen sink works just as well. lol

Anyways this was just a little post so I could kill some time before the counter-attack and to keep me busy, as I am rather hating the fact that I get to miss part of science today, but it's so I can go to the clinic. That just pisses me off. lol

Have a good day fellow bloggers
Cheers
Dawnie

Subway

2008-01-22T19:59:00.000-05:00

Full moon on the bus tonight. I went an extra stop just to watch it from the window. Transfixed by the glow of something so far. That scene happened before. Going over the kipling bridge, staring at a full moon just starting to rise. Coming home before I started taking the queen car. The car was better; more character and safer than the kipling bus. But the moon was full that night and I loved it. I don't love it tonight.
The subway doesn't show its moon. Instead it shows its ghosts. All the stations hold ghosts of scenes that exist now only in my own mind. Conversations, meetings, departs, fights, all have their place in stations across the line. I wish those ghosts were quiet tonight. Not tonight. Tonight they are yelling at me from the grave, telling me to remember those events that shape a year. Went to work still asleep at Glencairn, went to Eg to spend hours cooped up in a shitty bachelor apartment, practically lived at Kip, was a fool at Wilson. Quiet ghosts, go back to your electric recesses tonight please. Why won't you leave me alone tonight.
Those events shaped a year. Maybe shaped an entire lifetime. How much they really effected anyone who was involved. Sometimes I think most of them were more important to me than to the other people. How much each of those stations changed who I am I will never fully know. Would I be here typing if I wasn't a fool at Wilson? Probably. Would I be here typing if I didn't live at Kip? Probably not. Tonight wouldn't be the same at all.
Every ghost in every station tells me something tonight. They all come out and make me remember the smallest interactions. Thoughts and memories past. Inconsequential to anyone other than me. Am I a completely different person? Am I the same girl? I don't even know. I dwell on the amount of change that has happened in the past year and a half. Am I right to want to relieve those days? Am I right to think back on how I got here? I don't know. I'm full of doubt and uncertainty. Maybe my independent time is over. Maybe its coming back now. I like to think it is.
Go back and erase a year. Exorcise all the ghosts that lurk in the electric depths of the stations. Return to the way it was before. Return to life, escape from dream. View what is real again. Abolish the folly. I don't want to tonight. I never want to.

So is written on the subway between York and my station (Keele). It's been a wild night bloggers, wild indeed. I don't know where that came from, but tonight I'm more nostalgic that usual. Tonight I wonder all these things and more. I wonder about who I really am and if I've finally found out who Dawnie is. I change with my nicknames. A new one has emerged. Perhaps this means I'm becoming a different girl again. All this reforming and reshaping is getting tiresome but I find myself unable to stop it. Hopefully I keep elements of the Humber Dawn. I really liked her sometimes.

It's hard to say who anyone is really. It's all perception and expression that makes us who we are. We are who we perceive people think we are. It is a crazy backwards way of thinking but very true. I am who I think you think I am. That is how we are able to take on traits of our friends so easily. That is how we can see someone on a subway and make a decision on who they are. It's all fabricated. It's all a sham. Eat that Dr. Phil.

//rant
//philosophical sociology
//this post
I'm home for the night

Monday

2008-01-21T14:44:00.000-05:00

Is it possible for you to still function when your brain is officially asleep? The resounding "YES!" is the answer to that question. I do believe I am officially asleep at work today. Not only am I completely disinterested in this project, but I am also tired and burnt out. I'm always tired and burnt out but who's really keeping track right?

Today (Jan. 21 in case you're blind or can't read well) is supposedly the most depressing day of the year. They say a combination of broken New Year's resolutions, Christmas bills, shitty weather, and the realization that we are all back to work and school and the holidays are over attribute to this. Personally, this day has been the suck so I am inclined to agree with whoever 'they' are. But then again, every Monday seems to be the suck for me. Or every day. But really, again, who's keeping track of this stuff.

~Dawnie wants to hurt whoever designed this database system. Limited search options, CAPS only entry, crashing when a foreign character is entered, not allowing deletes, not allowing entries. Database program: go blow~
//rant

Moving on.

Blogging mid-day seems to be the most effective method for staying awake during boring projects. Not only do my fingers get to do actual typing, but I get to bitch about how bad work is, at work. Win-Win really. It also gives me a little break from the endless wild goose chase that is database updating. Seriously, this job description was kind of misleading. I wasn't told it was going to be hellish at times. Liars.

I don't think I have anything humourous or cynical to report. I got a MacBook and I am in love with her. We named her Mackie and she's awesome. My black desktop gets hardly any love and even when it does, it still has to share that attention with Mackie. She's my favourite child; there is nothing I can do about it. They both have good and bad sides but having the mac for school is proving to be a wise investment. She weights only 5 pounds and is 13 inches. I never want to take another note by hand again

Time goes slowly here. Which somehow leads me back to this morning...
I found my mittens! yay! They were in the garage on top of my bicycle seat.

~~Pati~~ Someone must have borrowed them to get logs from the pile and then not returned them. My hands have been freezing for 2 weeks because ~~Pati~~ someone can't return stuff that ~~she~~ they borrow(s) (without asking).

This morning I also forgot my ipod, coffee, lip balm, planner, and any form of reading material at home. To accompany this, the backing of my cellphone came off last night when ~~I dropped it down the basement stairs~~ it fell. I still have not found it as it most likely fell into the dark cold depths of the space under the stairs (Dad keeps saying he will finish the back of the stairs...). Due to this procrastination, I must investigate the area and hope the spiders don't stage a coo. Ugh.

I do believe this post is nearly finished. I have wasted enough time at work and must move on to removing fax numbers. If you think this sounds as boring as finding the C.F.C.'s to major companies, you would be quite right. Fax removal needs skittles and lots of them. I bribe myself. How sad is that?

Dawnie

*I was just looking in my wallet change compartment (see skittles note above) and found a little piece of paper with a name and number on it. A guy I used to work with at the call centre. I wonder where he is now and I feel bad for never calling him. It wasn't that I wasn't into him, I just didn't ever know what to say. Sigh.

//that be all

Because they've blocked Facebook...

2008-01-14T15:49:00.000-05:00

I will write a blog entry at work.

As I said, they have blocked my favourite addiction from me at work. I'm not sure why or how, but one cannot access Facebook from any of the computers in the office. This worries and upsets me. If I'm on a computer all day, I need to be able to stay informed on my friends' lives. It's inhumane Infonex, give me back my drug!

Moving on....

Work is turning into hell with fluorescent lighting. This list is impossible and retarded. I hate it. I've been working on it for over a week. I'm tired of it. Give me something else to do please.
*dies*

So it's 3.30 (the British way cause I'm cool like that) and time for cookies and juice (cause I'm the youngest one here and why shouldn't this be like kindergarten?). I very much want to go downstairs and smoke the rest of the cigarillo in my bag. I'm trying to resist but it's making me even more pissy. Oh nicotine, why must I love you?

I only have 2 more hours left until I'm free of this place. I can't wait. Errands on the way home, packed subway to deal with, quick shower and bite to eat, then back on the subway to meet Dan after he gets off school. Reading and the like to do tonight as well, although once I'm at Dan's I doubt I will get much reading done. He's also going to scold me about my piercings. I'm not taking care of them as well as I should and he's going to know when he looks at them tonight. There are a couple downsides to dating a pro piercer....

Well I should really get back to work (and when I say "back to work", I really mean "waste more time goofing around online and texting people").

Cheers,
Dawnie

Pain

2007-12-29T10:28:00.000-05:00

Piercing pain is one of the best kinds of pain. It hurts but it doesn't....
I got my orbital piercing yesterday after waiting for a while to get it done. It's still in stage one until it heals so it's just two rings. Hardly an orbital at all. But after it heals, oh after, it's gonna be awesomeness linked with one ring! yay! lol

Now that I'm dating Dan, everyone thinks I'm getting more piercings because I'm with him. That pisses me off. These were in the works before I even met him, let alone got with him. For the record: this orbital was planned before Dan. lol

Christmas was quiet. Didn't do a whole lot of running around. We laid around and ate and slept and visited with family. It was very productive I know. I'm going to have to catch up on some reading I should have gotten done over the break. I still have a few days before classes start so I'm not too worried.

Well blogger, I think its time to clean up these holes in my head, have a shower, and get some laundry done. Busy day. lol

2007-12-13T19:28:00.000-05:00

I see you and you're all disheveled
Last week's nail polish clings to
Nails bitten down
Why'd you bite them like that?
Why are you so nervous?
Come here honey
Come, I'll make it all better
Your hair frizzes
Trying desperately to escape its loose braids
You care so little about that though
Everything has a mind of its own
It doesn't bother me
I don't mind
Come here honey
I'll smooth it out
Make everything better
Your skin is so soft
It hurts me to touch the
Gentle curves of your body
Beautiful and brown and
Scarred and sacred
Come here, I'll make everything fine
Clean up your nails, blood red nails,
Fix your hair
Fix your life
What's bothering you?

if you only knew how much I miss you sometimes. I wish I could tell everyone........

Crash

2007-12-13T19:21:00.000-05:00

crash down/ fall apart/ come back/ you want it/ keep coming/ hide in the smoke/ let it fill you/ cough/ choke/ escape/

I found you again/ lost in your drug/ immobilized/ your favourite side effect/ slow down/ slower/ fall apart/ you need it/

love it/ follow/ dip in/ play around/ die every night/ you're a phoenix/ come back to me/ from the fire/

die again/ keep coming/ you need it/ you need me/ come for me/ crash down/ fall apart/ again/

always again.

Friendly Fire

2007-11-14T02:15:00.000-05:00

Well I’ve been sitting here so long thinking what I’d say to you/ but it seems like silence is what I was after/ skies in west delay they turn from amber into gold/ it’s just the nighttime putting on the pressure/ and I sailed a beaten ship without a camera through the fog/ and held the hand of darkness in the mire/ kissed its perfect lips only pretending it was you/ I’m still wounded from your guns/ pretending they were only friendly fire/ these clothes have gone from second hand to something I can wear/ or maybe use to try to douse the blood/ and everything I thought that I could ever say to you/ got all fucked up and well just misunderstood/ and I sailed a beaten ship without a camera through the fog/ and held the hand of darkness in the mire/ kissed its perfect lips only pretending it was you/ still wounded from your guns pretending it was only friendly fire/ so I’ve been sitting here so long thinking what I’ll say to you/ but I guess it’s silence that you’re after/ the skies in west delay they turn from amber into gold/ hell that’s just the nighttime putting on the pressure/ and I sailed a beaten ship without a camera through the fog/ and held the hand of darkness in the mire/ and kissed its perfect lips only pretending it was you/ still wounded from your guns pretending it was only friendly fire/ friendly fire.

I kept hoping it was just friendly fire.
Fuck you.

And my fine is......470.60 yikes

2007-11-08T11:03:00.000-05:00

Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on Facebook -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Masturbated -- $10
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

Tally it up and Re-Post it as..."My Fine Is..."

So This is Home

2007-11-06T18:30:00.000-05:00

With the fucking TV way too loud and always on. I have expressed my hatred for TV and it's only gotten worse since I moved here. What is this strange fixation with TV? Why can it never be off? How can you watch the same episode over and over? Why do you need to be on the computer and have the TV on? Why must you subject me (in both of "my spaces" (the basement and my shared bedroom)) to the fucking idiot box? Turn the fucking thing off!

Everyone yells. I don't know why they yell (may have something to do with the higher than needed volume on the TV). I am sensitive to noise as it is, I do not respond favourably to yelling and slamming doors.

Everyone is stressed. It's hard to keep a sane and level head about you when you're trying to figure out your life and school and relationships when everyone is uptight. Learn to relax. Learn to spend time with your kids so they don't bother you for attention. Learn to turn the honoured TV and computer(s) off and just be people. Yes your paper may be due in a week, but that doesn't mean you get to ignore your kids.

Money. Stop bribing your kids to do stuff and stop charging me rent. Every time I see my 9 year old sister with yet another bag from the corner store full of a)a full sized chocolate bar; b)a large-sized chocolate milk; and c)a bag of potato chips (contents vary but you get the idea) just for her, or my 16 year old sister with a wad of cash (who wont lend me 5 bucks even when I tell her I can pay her back in a week) I get sad. Not sad cause the kids have stuff; that is perfectly fine, kids are supposed to have stuff sometimes. Sometimes. It's just handed to them while I struggle and try to work and go to school (looking for a job and obtaining on is proving harder than I thought) and worrying about where my credit card payment is going to come from. I didn't get an allowance, yet I still had weekly/ daily chores. This 9 year old kid does nothing and still gets a fiver (sometimes more if she can trick her parents into paying her more) handed to her every week (plus what she gets to 'go to the store' during the week)
Throws up.

Then I get stressed cause I'm here. I get worried and don't sleep and hide at my friend's for long periods of time. I've been known to sit in front of subway stations at 12am talking, only 'cause I don't really want to go home yet. Phrases like 'man I'm going home, but I wish I wasn't going home to where I'm going' have escaped my lips. It's really frustrating to hate where you're living but really have no other choice. And even though they are annoying most of the time, they do help me out from time to time, and I can't really complain too much about that.

I think I have whined about my oh-so-hard life enough for now. I shall return with more confusing bits of poetry written on subways, more ramblings and odd discussions, and further accounts of my boring life at another time.

2007-11-04T20:35:00.000-05:00

ok so maybe three bowls of shisha is a bad idea on a Sunday afternoon, but dammit, it was fun at the time. So now I'm stuck with a tummyache and a sore throat and a confused head. That's right blogging world, Dawn has a confused head. Long story, don't ask. Its not that uncommon i know.

In other news, my mom was here all weekend* and I had a great time. Man oh man I miss my momsy. I guess it's cause I don't see her very often. Aww Momsy.

Ugh I'm the worst blogger ever. I so neglect this blog but I'm trying blogging word, I'm trying.

I think I shall leave my aimless ramblings for now. My life is so exciting I know.

But man that shisha was sooo worth it (just maybe not so much in a row next time)

*I totally spelled weekend with three e's the first time, and couldn't figure out why blogger was saying it was wrong. I was like 'I'm the grammar queen here people, don't tell me what's wrong!'. Then I realized and felt bad and apologized to it.

2007-10-30T01:20:00.000-04:00

it took me a year to get here/ alone, 1am in an empty subway station/ bisexual and brokenhearted/ scraping by/
it took me a year to get here/ to a night of promise and regret and true feelings/ progression, not regression of friendship/
it took me a year to get here/ a disposable commodity/ tossed around by too many lovers to count/ too many lost friends/ thrown out and cast off/
it took me a year to get here/ to scribbled lines on a train/ a night of revolution and self-discovery/ change/

Right now we're on our knees. Promise me we're gonna stand up. We gotta stand up.

Spelling

2007-10-28T16:51:00.001-04:00

So apparently my spelling was so bad last night on msn my friends are convinced I was drinking. Great. My spelling is usually alright, but for some reason last night, it was really bad. I think this is a major problem but one I'm willing to overlook. I'm cool like that. And lack motivation.

Aaand We're Back!

2007-10-27T22:00:00.000-04:00

Alright kids, we're back. We hope you enjoyed all those commercials for sugary cereal and over-priced toys. Make sure you ask mommy and daddy for all the cool things you saw.
So guess who's back making blogging life hell? Yup, you guessed it; Moi!

I've decided to come back to the blogging community and post wonderful things about wonderful topics (not really, I'm lying and we all know that). I'm back in school now and hoping to use my lit studies to help the world write better. All your editing needs in one handy location!

I'll try to update as much as possible; however, it is not always easy when you're struggling to get essays done to blog, so please don't be offended if I'm not seen for a couple of days.

Alright kids, and now a word from our sponsors...